Allyship Case Study 3

I have been a manager for over 10 years and the vast majority of people I manage are women. I’m currently the man at the top of a female structure. 

One of the things I’ve always been conscious of as a man and a manager is that I can’t solve everything. I don’t want to be the man saying he can solve sexism because that’s a sexist position in itself. 

Most of my allyship isn’t about being loud and a voice for women; it’s about using my voice and the position I have to make sure the voices of the women in my team and the women I work with are heard. 

I’m very conscious of power dynamics: men talking over women, women having to fight harder to get their voices heard, strong women being undermined because they’re strong and viewed differently to how men in the same position would be. That’s definitely influenced my management style. 

I come from a minority myself and have lived experience of being minoritised, but I will never have experience of being a woman. In my management style and the decisions I make, I always try to think about my unconscious bias. In difficult situations, I always check if my unconscious bias is making me view the situation differently. 

I have been in spaces where I have seen women being undermined and felt I had to speak up so the woman’s voice would be heard.  

It is hard; most people don’t want you to call it out in front of a big group of people. I don’t want to point it out to the whole group and have a disagreement in that space. You also don’t know what the outcomes of challenges will be. It’s about considering how the recipient of the unwanted attention might react differently depending on their lived experience as a woman, challenging appropriately and in a way that does not make the recipient uncomfortable. 

The key to allyship is to listen; don’t assume. Different people see things differently. Be willing to challenge appropriately when it’s acceptable. Sometimes you will get it wrong, and that’s okay. 

I have had to have uncomfortable conversations, and I haven’t always got it right. The key thing as a manager is being someone who your team knows is human, humble and willing to own and learn from their mistakes. There are all sorts of situations where you think you could have done something differently. 

Part of being an ally is being willing to learn and grow, knowing it’s okay to not have the answers and it’s okay to be uncomfortable. You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Everyone has a bias, and you need to own it and move past it. You have to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself. 

Make conscious decisions when you’re in the workplace around who gets opportunities, projects and visibility. Empower people from the front. How do you encourage a person to see how great they are and seize their opportunities, not be held back by their past lived experiences? 

Mothers often take on a lot of caring responsibilities at home. It’s about supporting and listening to what they need, not assuming. Allow them to lead their experience through that part of their life. Support them in the workplace; make sure they have what they need. Don’t assume you know what they need. 

When chairing a meeting, use different tools to encourage everyone to be heard. Some people are more vocal than others. Support all minority groups and age groups. When I was younger, I was really nervous in meetings; having people to support you to speak up is really important. 

I’ve been in situations where I’ve experienced other managers not modelling the behaviour you expect. The key thing is you model the behaviour you expect to see in others. If you do that, as a manager, people will see it and follow the same behaviour. Most importantly, modelling that behaviour means those who feel minoritised can see you as an ally and inclusive, they’ll feel like everyone in the team has a voice. 

Remember, it’s okay to get it wrong. Don’t immediately go on the defensive. You should say ‘okay, tell me more’. 

White Ribbon Day is important for a reason. Men have a responsibility to talk to other men about their behaviours. It’s not something we should leave to women to solve. This goes for other minoritised groups too; for example, LGBTQ+ people shouldn’t have to solve homophobia. 

Gender-based violence is a national crisis for a reason. Until the vast majority of men are calling it out, things won’t change. We have a massive responsibility. It’s important that we as men, are clear that this isn’t women’s problem to solve, and we have to play an active role in tackling gender-based violence.